I don’t
remember much about 1934, I was not
born until the 6th. December.
I have been told that my mother had been listening to Gracie Fields on
the radio and had laughed so much that this induced my birth. Our house was semi-detached. It was just outside the Sheffield boundary,
one of a circle of properties build around a field which, during the 39-45 war, became allotments where we “dug for
victory”. We lived on the main road
from Sheffield to Manchester. From
Sheffield, the road passed through
Hillsborough where my father and grandfather ran the family business. Trams ran through Hillsborough as far as
the terminus at Middlewood. At this
time, this was the extent that Sheffield was developed. Past Middlewood, what was referred to as the asylum or “loony bin” was in large grounds, mainly to the left of the road. Those inmates as were judged harmless farmed the land on both
sides of the road for about three-quarters of a mile from the tram-terminus at Middlewood. During most of my early childhood and the
1939/45 war, wheat was grown. At what we called “The Lane”, Stockarth (Also Mowson) Lane formed one
boundary of our little estate before running steeply up to the rural community
of Worral.
Grandfather Unwin
had taken the family one notch up the class ladder when he moved from Vainor
Rd. in Hillsborough to what I believe was originally known as 20 Middlewood Estate. This would have been about 1925 , before
my father married and purchased another house on the estate. Within the family, grandfather's house was, for many
years, referred to as "Number
Twenty"…. "are we going to number twenty for tea ?". . . long after the properties had been
renumbered and our stretch of road became Middlewood Rd. North.
My grandfather’s
house was 356 Middlewood Rd. North,
just past the lane. Our house
was number 326, about 200 yards
away, close to Middlewood Tavern and
next to this, the “Little Shop” (now demolished). We called this stretch of road “The Front”. The houses were set well back from the road
on rising ground. The view from the
front windows was of our small front garden.
On our side of the road, there
was a footpath separated from the road by a grassed border with a tree to each
pair of houses. There were no houses
over the road where beyond a footpath and wall, the land fell away steeply to the River Don.
Beely Wood which
covered the opposite hillside was referred to as "the woods". Steam trains ran through the wood on the old London Midland and
Scottish line which took the Woodhead route to Manchester.
There was little
traffic on our road which continued to Oughtibridge, Deepcar and Stocksbridge
before running through the wild country surrounding the Flouch Inn and hence
over Woodhead to Manchester. A 20 minute bus service connected Sheffield to
Stocksbridge, a good service because
this was where Samuel Fox had a large steel works. Our milk came by a horse-drawn cart carrying silvery churns and
ladles with long handles which dipped deep into the churn, pouring a measured pint into jugs which each
household left out with a saucer over the top or sometimes carried out to a low
step at the back of the milk cart where the milkman dispensed his milk. Beer for the tavern came on drays drawn by teams of cart-horses.
My earliest
memories are of the sounds. Every
weekday, at crack of dawn on the other side of the river from the inn, a forge started work. We were well shielded by the hillside but I
can still hear the squeak as the steam which had raised the hammer
escaped, followed by the THUMP as it
fell on the steel ingot and shook the ground for about 400 yards around the
forge. I can remember the sound of the
steam trains on the hillside and away in the far distance, Chuff-ChuffChuff followed by a crash as a
wagon being shunted in a shunting-yard crashed into a train of wagons being
prepared for a particular destination.
One of my earliest
memories is being in my cot in the small front bedroom. It was probably Sunday when my parents had a
lie-in. Seeking amusement, I investigated a tin of Vaseline left within
reach. Having dipped a finger, what to do with it ? I found that smearing it on the wallpaper
had a most interesting effect. Standing
in my cot, I proceeded to smear the
entire contents of the tin over as much of the wall as I could reach, rubbing it well in. Gosh,
there was a fuss about this.
The wisdom of “spare the rod and
spoil the child” was still adhered to by most parents. In my case it was the slipper. This was kept in the front room. On either side of the fire were two copper
boxes with lifting lids. One stored
coal, the other held father’s spats and
slippers. Spats were felt-like covers
worn over boots to keep the feet warm in winter.
The front room
was the scene of most spankings,
slipperings and banishments. It
was an age when children were expected to know their place and to show respect
to all adults, not quite in the
Victorian sense but very firmly so.
My father’s discipline was more predictable and understandable than my
mother’s. I never resented father’s
discipline, it was clear, understood
and soon over. Bad behaviour or tears
were never tolerated. I was either
sent to bed or banished to another room.
The household ran
with clockwork regularity. After a
traditional English breakfast Father went to the family shop on the 9 o’clock
bus. It was only a ten minute journey
so he came home for lunch, and
returned for tea at five. He worked on
Saturdays, Thursday was Sheffield's
half day. No shops
opened on Sunday when the busses only ran a restricted
service, mainly for church-goers.
It was roast-beef
for Sunday lunch, then the cold remains
on Monday because this was washday and cooking was impossible. On Fridays, father collected lunchtime fish from the fishmonger in
Hillsborough. This was usually plaice
or haddock.
Meat was delivered
by a boy on a bicycle. Mother would
take me to Hemmings the grocers once a week.
The groceries would be delivered in a cardboard box by van, being checked against the bill as they were
unpacked. The man was not allowed to
leave until mother was satisfied, he
was then paid and took the box away for re-use.
Housekeeping in
the nineteen-thirties was not easy.
The electric vacuum cleaner had only just become available. Electricity was little used except for
lighting so fires had to be lit and cleared daily. The most important fire was in the kitchen range. This boiled the kettle and toasted crumpets
held on a toasting-fork. The range
heated the oven and a back-boiler. It
had to be stoked for washing, cooking and taking baths. Every Friday, the range needed
“doing”. Long flue brushes had
to be poked up many orifices and the whole thing black-leaded. It was a matter of pride that the steps
into the house be scrubbed and a donkey-stone used to whiten the edges. Meals had to be well planned because there
was no fridge. Food was either on a
high shelf in the kitchen, at the head
of the staircase into the cellar or on a “cold slab” in the cellar.
Town gas and coal
were the only fuels. The gas supplied
a single burner gas-ring and heated a “copper” for boiling clothes. In the towns, smoke from coal-fires poured from row upon row of chimneys. Burning coal produced mountains of soot,
ashes and cinders. Once a week the
dustmen called to empty our galvanised iron dustbin. There were no plastic liners.
The men wore caps and leather shoulder-protectors, carrying the bins on
their shoulders with falling ash covering them from head to foot.
Town gas and
electricity were produced locally. There were no “grids” providing national distribution. Unlike “natural gas”, town gas was produced from ovens which drove
off gas from coal, turning this into coke which although a smokeless fuel, did not burn easily in open fires. Town gas contained carbon monoxide (which
is very poisonous) and hydrogen which made it lighter than air.
Washing and
drying dominated Monday. Mrs Holmes
arrived. A wooden cover was removed
from around the copper boiler in a corner of the kitchen. This had a gas ring under it and all the
whites were boiled. Ammonia fumes and
steam filled the air. A dolly tub was
humped from the cellar.
This had to be filled and emptied for washing and rinsing
using jugs and buckets. There were no
detergents or washing powders. Soap
flakes were added to the washing water.
Dolly blue came in a little cloth bag,
this was swished in the rinse to give whiteness. Mrs Holmes stood over a dolly tub and
poshed the clothes with a posher. This
was a long broom handle with a strangely shaped copper sucker on the end. A portable hand-powered mangle was fixed
to the kitchen table. This squeezed surplus water from the clothes. It was quite an art to feed clothes into
the mangle without trapping a finger.
Mrs Holmes chattered all the while about her daughters, Alice and Blanch. “Our Blanch” did this
and “Our Alice had said…". Slowly,
order returned. Wet clothes were
pegged out on the outdoor clothes-lines using pegs which gypsies used to make
and sell at the door. Housewives
competed to be the first to peg out rows of whitest whites because this was the
best way to dry and sterilize them in sunshine. Wet washdays were miserable,
folding wooden racks or “clothes-horses” draped with wet clothes filled
the house. Windows streamed with condensation. I made tents with these clothes-racks. Turned over they made a tent frame which
could be covered with an old sheet.
Washday over, Mrs Holmes would leave, walking back up the lane to Worall which was
a steep climb of nearly three miles.
She did this, often twice a
week, in all weathers. She was rarely ill and besides helping my
mother, had her own family to look after.
When washing, the clothes became
“my clothes”. As a toddler, this
puzzled me when many were clearly mine.
She would admonish me not to mess with electric plugs or “ You will go up with Jackson’s hens”. To this day I still wonder what happened
to those hens. Mrs Holmes had a hard
life but lived to be over 90.
It was probably
a washday when I was left pretty much to amuse myself that I let the dog out.
We had several dogs during my childhood, all Sealyhams. I left a gate open which allowed the dog
out of the back garden, down the drive and onto the
road. The dog was very unlucky. A passing motorist knocked at the door. I remember everyone rushing out. The dog was given brandy but it died fairly
quickly. I was about three years
old.
Tuesday was
ironing day. At least two flat irons
were needed, one heating on the stove
whilst the other was in use. Items
such as shirts, loose collars and sheets were starched so that they ironed
crisp and smooth. After ironing, Mother always insisted that clothes be
aired. Stage one was on a wooden rack
or “creel” pulled on rope to the kitchen ceiling. Stage two was being neatly folded away in the airing-cupboard
which also enclosed the hot water
cylinder heated by the back-boiler in the kitchen stove. I was puzzled why Mother secreted a
supply of small towels in the airing cupboard. Later, at school where
life's mysteries were discussed, I
learned that they were jam rags without being any less puzzled.
This brings to mind
the curling tongs which my mother heated in the fire and used for curling her
hair.
Burning was perhaps a more apt description because of the
resulting pong. I’m not sure when
hairdressers first offered a “permanent wave”
but she certainly used these curling tongs during my
pre-school years which roughly coincided with the five years
leading to the start of the 1939 war.
Washing and
ironing over, the week improved. I would be taken or, from about the age of four, sent to the
little shop for an ounce of yeast. The
shop kept this in large shallow tray. A
square would be cut, weighed and put
into a little triangular paper bag. I
would nibble at the yeast on the way home,
it was soft, savoury and slippery.
I enjoyed baking days, helping
with the stirring and scraping out the bowls.
We never bought cakes or pastries. The electric mixer was not invented
so everything had to be done by hand.
The temperature of the oven was gauged by holding the door-handle. My mother baked every week. Her scones never tasted of soda, her pastry was crisp and never soggy
underneath. My Grandfather used to say
that all Unwins picked wives who were good cooks.
Like many
another single child, I invented a
friend. His name was BoBo. One lunchtime, my father was about to return to work. I remember asking him to say bye-bye to BoBo. Father refused saying that he could not see where BoBo was. I can still remember my uncontrollable sobs
and tears. They would tell you to stop
crying but try as you might, you simply
couldn’t stop. I have other memories
of these tender years, how cold newly
ironed starched sheets were in wintertime,
my fear of the dark and how
the graining of the wardrobe would turn into faces. I would be awake long before anyone else and would play with a
wooden egg which could be split into two halves or look at the pictures in my
Rupert books. On winter mornings, the windows were covered with
Jack-Frost. It was not possible to see
outside without scraping away the frost which often formed fern-like
patterns.
One of the
highlights of my young life was when there was a toytown story on children’s
hour. We would have tea whilst
listening to Larry the Lamb’s adventures with Mr. Grouser. Larry had a tremulous bleeting female
voice. All humans were addressed as
Sir… “ Oh..(bleet).. Mr. Grouser
Sir…”. There was the Inventor, the
Policeman, the Mayor and Larry’s particular friend, Dennis the Dachshund who had a strong German accent. Like the thirties, the toytown world was ordered and
polite. The Policeman was respected by
all and under guidance from the Mayor,
dispensed the law. Juniors did
not cheek their elders and betters in case, as my grandfather would have said, " they were given a thick ear".
We had a long
back garden on rising ground. It was
about 100 yards long and was split into three sections. The lower section had a path with a lawn on
either side. A flight of steps flanked
by pedestals and rising grassy banks lead to a upper lawn. Beyond this, more steps lead through a
rockery to the highest “working” area.
To the right was a greenhouse and to the left, a toolshed which later in my life was to become my first
experimental laboratory.
Considering that
my father had a useless left leg and went on crutches, it was a big garden to manage. The greenhouse had an iron stove let into
the outside wall. This heated the
greenhouse by means of thick cast iron pipes. These pipes ran under staging on
which tomatoes were grown. Little
Peter was very interested in the stove, its lighting and stoking with coke
. He also liked the back of the
greenhouse, this was an out-of-sight
location for mischief and had two water butts which contained little squiggly things. These squiggled to the depths if the butt
was thumped.
At the
front, the house was quite a few feet
above the road. A wall retained a
small raised lawn and a path lead from the bottom of the drive to steps and an
entrance porch. The steep sides to the
path were built up as a rockery, mainly
populated by ferns. There were a great
many ferns and these proved very interesting.
If you held a fern at the bottom and pulled, you could slide your hand up the fern. You ended up with a handful of fronds and a nice empty
stalk. Having scattered the fronds
over the extent of the path, it seemed
logical to continue out into the road and along the footpath. I managed to de-foliate every fern in the
garden before the arrival of Authority.
Authority demanded that I sweep up.
I recall that female authority finished the sweeping while male
authority administered the slipper.
These few years of
my pre-school childhood marked the end of an unhurried age when the onion
sellers from France rode on bicycles selling onions from long strings hanging
on the handlebars. Gypsies still passed
by in traditional caravans, the women
telling fortunes at the door and selling clothes-pegs. Rag and bone men rode by, sitting on the edge of a horse-drawn cart so
that it was at a crazy angle. They had
shouted “Rag and bone” or “Any old clothes” so often that the words had blurred
together into strange sounding cries.
Knife grinders called at the door,
sharpening your knives and scissors.
Steam rollers rolled the roads,
tended by rough-looking Irish navvy’s who kept their trousers out of the
tar using string tied around their calves and ankles..
Plastics had yet
to be discovered and nothing was disposable.
All bottles were made of glass.
My favourite drink was Tizer “ The Appetiser”. Bottles were returned to the shop for a refund. No food was sold pre-packed. The nearest telephone was at the bottom of
the lane but was of limited use because hardly anyone had a telephone. Urgent messages like “Uncle Fred has died” were taken to a post-office, telegraphed from the office and then
delivered to the door by a telegram-boy on a bicycle.
Most people wore
hats when outdoors. Working class men
wore caps. Young middle class men wore
a trilby, older or more important men a
homburg. This was stiffer, with a brim which turned up at the sides. Grandfather (John Robert) Unwin wore a
homburg. He was a stocky well built
man with a good measure of natural authority.
On the bus, when the conductor collected fares, grandfather would say very gruffly “ One
five nine”. This was because he was a
Sheffield councillor entitled to free travel on the busses. He always wore a waistcoat festooned with a
watch-chain and pocket watch. In bad
weather or for walking in the country,
he wore leggings. These were
made of black polished leather and were strapped around the calves.
I don’t remember
grandfather Unwin wearing anything but boots.
My generation was one of the first to switch to shoes. Even so,
I can remember pressure to wear boots in winter which I resisted because
they hurt my ankles. All boots and
shoes had hard leather soles and stiff leather uppers. They always hurt when new. Soft leather uppers and rubber soles did
not exist. Unless boots and shoes
had metal studs, the soles wore away
very quickly. All footwear required
frequent repair, usually after about eight weeks of regular use. Every district had one or more shoe-repair
shops where cobblers replaced soles and heels. My first rubber soles were stuck onto leather soles. I hated new shoes, the leather soles were
hard and shiny with no grip. They had
to be worn-in for about a fortnight before having thin rubber soles glued
on.
My maternal
grandfather, Stenton Warhurst was older
than grandfather Unwin. He had
owned a cattle-feed and farmer’s supply
business in Hillsborough, somewhere
behind the slipper baths which were opposite the Unwin’s shop. The slipper bath was not for
swimming. The small terraced town
houses occupied by working families had no bathroom. It was easier to visit the slipper bath than place a tin bath in
front of the fire and fill it with hot water from a kettle.
Mother (Lois) was the youngest of siblings
Stanley, Henry and Annie Warhurst. My
uncles Stanley and Henry were in the first World (Great) War of 1914/18. Stanley was shell-shocked and Henry was
gassed, suffering poor health ever
after. Their mother (Keturah Vaughan)
died before the brothers went to war.
Mother’s sister (auntie Annie) helped run the business. Actually,
Annie was of such character that I would imagine that she quickly became
the boss. This might have followed
from grandfather Warhurst’s loss of moral authority following an escapade when,
discovered in a state of undress and entanglement with the maid, he ran off into the fields hoping to conceal
his identity. Perhaps it was the
unavoidable need to return for clothing that gave the game away ? The truth is locked away in the family’s
skeleton cupboard.
With her brothers
at war and her eldest sister in the business,
my mother had to leave college
where she was training for a career in business which in her time meant becoming
a short-hand typist. As the youngest
daughter, my mother had to run the home when her mother died. My mother rarely said much about her family
history or childhood. She enjoyed
being taken to football matches by her elder
brothers but seemed not to have had the friends,
self-confidence and intellectual stimulation that my father had in his early
life. This is not to say that she was
timid. She had standards, stuck to
them and was not afraid of standing up for herself. It was many years before I learned that our home help, Mrs. Holmes, had helped my mother run the Warhurst home.
The Warhurst
home in Vainor Rd. Hillsborough must have been sold when I was about
three. I remember that there was a
big family discussion, it being agreed
that grandfather Warhurst would stay a while with each of his children in
turn. I assume that he could not afford
to maintain the home and was becoming too frail to live alone. When our turn came, I was moved out of the little front bedroom
and into the double bed in the back bedroom.
When grandpa Warhurst was in residence,
he occupied the little front bedroom.
To my father’s disgust, because of the episode with the maid, grandfather Warhurst went to Chapel twice
every Sunday .
My mother’s
family, the Warhursts, had its roots in Derbyshire. Grandpa Warhurst had a brother George. George and his wife Mary had a small family farm at Abney. Aunt Mary was an enormous woman, always
bright and cheerful. Aunt Mary visited
us for the first Christmas that I can remember. It must have been Christmas because I remember quite distinctly
that she brought plum puddings. I also
remember being clasped to a huge bosom on her arrival. Emotionally, I was pretty indifferent to this but wished that the bosom did
not have large brooch, it scratched my
face. I became very wary of large
bosoms from that day onwards.
In order to tell
the tale of the trapped finger, I need
to explain that Grandpa Unwin, besides
having the shop in Hillsborough, was
the managing director of Tomlinsons.
Tomlinsons was one of the biggest taxi firms in Sheffield. They were also funeral directors and ran a
garage in the City.
On special occasions,
perhaps when we went on holiday or for other BIG events, a limousine and chauffeur would be provided
by Tomlinsons. One summers day, in such a car, we set off with grandpa Warhurst to visit Aunt Mary at the farm
in Abney. Sliding windows divided the
passengers from the driver. The drive
would have taken two to three hours, it
being possible in those days to stop almost anywhere to admire the view for a
few minutes without disrupting the traffic. Our arrival was quite spectacular. Grandpa Warhurst got out and shut the door on my finger. I can remember the shock and my resulting
hollering. My middle left finger was
nastily crushed but substantially intact.
After much bathing, it was
encased in a huge bandage for several days and has remained very slightly
deformed ever since.
I visited the
farm at Abney several times. It was a
small family farm. Chickens scratched
around the yard and sometimes wandered into the kitchen. There was no electricity and no
bathroom. Oil lamps stood in front of
curved mirrors to spread more of their dim light into the room. Fit strong Males washed in the water trough
outside. The bedrooms had large
porcelain water jugs and wash bowls. If
you wanted hot water you fetched the kettle.
You did your stuff in a chamber pot under the bed or in an outdoor earth
closet, throwing soil in afterwards and
dodging the flies. There was no refuse
collection. Rubbish was tipped into a deep
ravine not far from the farm. Milking
was done by hand. I remember the
son, John, directing a jet of milk straight into the mouth of his dog. I don’t think (grand) uncle George did
much, he was very old. Sometimes he sat and thought, or,
as the saying goes, sometimes he
just sat. In cold weather, so my father recounted, Uncle George would
heat stones in the fire, wrap them in newspaper and stuff them inside his
trousers before climbing into bed.
Working such a farm was pure physical graft from dawn to dusk. You had no tractor, just your horses. You had nothing but simple tools, a plough, scythe, pitchforks and other hand tools.
My cousin Henry
Jobling loved to tell the tale of the egg.
Henry, a son of mothers sister Annie was a senior cousin by about 9
years. He and I had gone to stay at
Abney. At breakfast, Aunt Mary gives him two eggs. I receive only one egg and say that I want
two eggs like Henry. “ When you’re as
big as Henry you can have two eggs”.
Every Sunday we
had tea with my Unwin grandparents.
Mother and Grandma (as I called her)
took turns to prepare tea at 5 o’clock in their respective houses. It was a best bib and tucker formal
occasion. In a sense it was a
declaration of family unity and its membership of the middle class able to
enjoy the use of expensive silver and china.
The table would be set with all the best crockery, an immaculate damask cloth, silver jugs and
teapot. The meal began with the
pouring of the tea by the hostess.
Nobody touched any food. it was
all passing round the cups, and “do you
need more hot water ?” or “can I pass
you the sugar?”. Children did not
touch or fiddle with one item of cutlery before every person at the table was
fully served and were not allowed to leave the table without express
permission. What stopped them ? Sheer moral pressure from every adult at
the table and the certainty of a dusting on arrival back home.
There would be a
choice of cold meats and sometimes a fish such as salmon. Father or Grandfather would serve this, ladies first, little boys last. On receiving your plate, everybody passed other items politely
around… “ can I pass you the beetroot ?”
There would be two plates of bread and butter cut very thinly. I never knew
anyone who could cut bread as thinly as my mother. There would be a pork pie, or perhaps some potted meat. What there would not be was so much as a
jam-jar or a packet. Everything would
be in dishes. A cut glass dish of salad
would be passed around. The table was
so full that this had to be held for your neighbour so that the salad could be
taken with the servers… NO fingers. .
Cucumber would be in wafer thin slices,
covered with vinegar. Everything
was served and eaten with the correct tools or cutlery. Fish was never touched with anything but a
fish-knife because it tainted the knife.
Those of my grandfather’s generation usually added a generous helping of
mustard to their meats. It always
seemed to take ages before we could start to eat.
Nobody started
until a signal from the hosts. The
Unwins did not say grace but if present, Grandpa Warhurst and other relations
did. After the first course at my
grandparents’, Grandma would ring a
little bell for the maid to clear the plates.
Up to the war, my grandparents had a maid who lived in. The table would be restocked with a big
bowl of fruit, more bread and butter,
jam, buttered teacakes, buttered
scones, buns, and a cake.
The fruit was
served by the host. Again it was wait
until everyone was served. The merits
of the pork-pie, the only item not home
made would be discussed, where it was
bought and how much it cost. Grandpa
Unwin would declare the price daylight robbery and remember when pork pies
better than that were a penny each. He
would remember when he liked nothing better than a dish of tripe and how good
pigs trotters were. I was always
expected to eat some bread and butter with my fruit, silently rebelling against
textures which did not mix. Growing
wiser, I would eat the bread
first, followed the strategy of eating
the boring or unpleasant bits first.
It was necessary to leave a small bit of bread until the end else some
sharp eyed adult would see I had none and provide another piece.
The meal took
about an hour. Children did NOT leave
the table. Crusts were to be eaten and
plates
left clean. The
alternative was clear and simple. Go to
bed and scream all you like until you are better. If grandpa Warhurst was present, he went to chapel on the six
o’clock bus. Pocket watches
would be compared with wrist watches “ what time do you make it ?” so that he was
off in time.
Grandma (Alice)
Unwin was well bred. She was a
Tomlinson. Their business was
established long before my grandfather had started as a pawnbroker. Father’s mother died in childbirth. It was through marriage to his second wife
that my grandfather had become connected with the Tomlinson business.
In conversation, my father would refer to his
"mother" meaning his step-mother Alice Tomlinson and his "real
mother" meaning Francis Isabella Bennett who was the daughter of a wealthy
steel-maker,
George Bennett. My
grandfather, John Robert chose his
wives well, both came from wealthy
families.
All the Tomlinsons spoke with a slightly posh upper class
accent. Grandpa Unwin being closer to
the cutting edges of the real world was less refined, had taken elocution lessons as a result slightly over pronounced
his H's. I was always a little confused by grandpa Warhurst, houses had “chimleys” and parcels would be
"lapped" up.
My grandfathers
both wore long-johns. These were
really thick long-legged woollen pants.
Grandfather Warhurst’s shirts were so long that each tail went between
his legs and up the other side.
Everybody wore lots of thick woollen underclothes because the winters
were cold, there was no central heating
and folk spent a lot of time either walking or waiting to travel on unheated
busses and trams.
Grandma Unwin
spoilt me whenever she could. She was
a gentle kindly person, regularly
offering games, toffees and goodies to
ease the boredom of adult talk. She
had a fridge. This was unusual in the
thirties. The fridge was a puzzle, it operated on gas. I could never understand how a hot flame
made the fridge cold. I would have
been amazed to know that this same fridge was to be passed on to me, still working some twenty years later. Cold milk from the fridge tasted better
than the milk at home. Sometimes there
was home-made ice-cream. A cut-glass
biscuit barrel was always stocked with my favourite chocolate biscuits. There was a soda-water siphon of the type
now only found in antique shops. This
dispensed soda-water when a lever was pressed. Its capability of shooting water for several feet greatly
interested me. Soda-water added to
milk had an interesting effect and became one of my favourite childhood
drinks.
Grandma Unwin enjoyed a cigarette with her “gin and
it”. Most adults had the odd cigarette, particularly after meals. Ladies often used long cigarette
holders. Grandfather always had his
pipe. He smoked this almost all the
time, consuming an ounce of Bruno every week.
He set himself on fire several times when he put his pipe in his pocket. He would sometimes take a pinch of
snuff. Many of his generation did
this. They would offer each other a
pinch of snuff from engraved silver snuff boxes. Snuff is a fine powder made from tobacco. You released a pinch under your nose and
sniffed. What failed to go up your nose
fell on your jacket leaving this marked with the stuff. Even though wives disapproved, this counted very little to the males of my
grandfather’s generation. Grandfather
never gave up his pipe but he did stop taking snuff. This habit simply seemed to fade away by about 1940.
After about an hour
of grown-up talk, if I was lucky, there might be some games such as snap or
put-and-take. Put-and-take was played
with beans or other tokens. Players
started with about ten beans each,
taking turns to spin a small brass top. This had a little finger twizzler atop a six sided body. After spinning and falling, the uppermost side was inscribed, “Put two” or “Take four” etc. The player had to put or take that number
of beans, to or from the kitty of spare
beans.
Sometimes I would
be allowed to amuse myself with opera-glasses or two small guns. The guns dated back through several
generations of Unwins who were publicans at Ecclesfield and Chapeltown
on the outskirts of Sheffield. One gun was an ancient small revolver, the other an even older pistol. My grandfather still had a little tin of
percussion caps for the pistol. On a
few special occasions, I was allowed to
fire a cap. It made quite a bang, even without a charge of powder in the
gun.
Grandfather Unwin
did not mince his words and was free with his opinions. From an early age he used to tell me “You must blow your own trumpet ‘Cos no other buggar will blow it for
you”. If anyone should have the
misfortune to fart (often himself), he
would look around and question … “
Has something ripped ? ”. He was
always convinced that “The country was
going to the dogs” and that “The Jews
were the cause of all our problems”.
For all that he shocked, he was
always the one with some money in times of crisis. He was proud to have saved a thousand pounds by the age of
thirty, a very great sum at the
time. Although he was gruff, severe
and well respected, he had a twinkle in
his eye and was in fact very forgiving and understanding of family
members. He was a reliable source of
pocket money which I received from about the age of five when I started school.
Later in life he was obliged to have false teeth. Father said they made him look like a horse. They also clicked when he ate.
Occasionally, grandfather Unwin
would take me for a morning out. His
day began at the barber’s shop where the barber would work up a huge
soap-lather on his face and shave him with a cut-throat razor. This was sharpened on a leather strop which
hung on the wall. We would then walk
round to the family shop. In these
early days it was mainly a pawnshop, drapers and jewellers, but it also sold clothes and
haberdashery. My father ran the
pawnshop, two female staff ran the rest
of the shop. Grandfather’s office and
operations centre was the back kitchen.
Although he still helped a little in the shop pawnshop, he was very much the senior partner. Pledge (pawnshop) customers would enquire
“ Who’s on to-day. Is it Mr. Robert (my
father) or t’old Buggar ? ”.
One day, Grandfather Unwin took me rent
collecting. He owned several blocks of
small houses, collecting rents several times during the week from different
blocks. He would knock, shout “ Rent ” and march straight in. Often the rent book and money would be
waiting for him on the table. Most of
the houses were two up and two down,
with a small yard and an outside toilet. Only a handful of the better houses had a bathroom. One tenant bred budgies. From what I remember, on a whim, grandfather bought me one. The first that mother knew was when I
arrived home with Jimmy, my first pet
in a little wooden box. Jimmy turned
out to be a cheery little chatterer and an excellent talker. He would perch on mother’s knitting needles
as she knitted and take seed placed between my lips.
We kept Jimmy for
several years but very nearly didn’t… I
gave him a lot of pea-pods.
He expanded like an inflated balloon and took hours to
subside. This reminds me of the day
that the dog ate the Sunday joint and with a stomach extended to an
unbelievable size, lay like the lion in The Lion and Albert, in a somnolent posture for about a day and a
half.
Being a
Sheffield Councillor, grandfather Unwin
was on the committee which supervised the nearby mental hospital. One of his duties was to inspect the farm
where trusted inmates worked. This is how I came to meet my first
girl-friend. One day, Grandfather took
me to the farm on one of his supervisory visits. The farm entrance was a little way past the lane. It ran from the main road, about 400 yards
uphill. To the left we passed a dutch
barn full of hay and a great many farm buildings. About half way up was a road which I was later to discover, lead
to extensive grounds and hospital buildings.
At the top of the hill was the Farm Bailiff’s house. The bailiff, Mr Petty, was a big,
rough, gruff man. Little boys
knew not to argue. I was happy to stay
with Mrs. Petty and her two daughters.
Monica was the elder, Billie the
younger daughter was my age. We quickly
became friends. Her real name was
Cecelia, to her friends she was Billie. I never knew why.
I went quite
often to the farm, sometimes on my
own. It was quite large, with pigs, cows and horses. It had a tractor and was more mechanised
than the family farm at Abney. Billie
and I would play in the haystack or explore the various buildings. We would mill around during haymaking and
do a bit of gleaning when crops were cut.
The workers were all mental patients,
more simple-minded than
dangerous. One spent all his days
tending and turning a manure heap.
I can remember two
parties in these innocent pre-school times.
One was at the “well to do”
Tomlinsons, I have no idea
exactly who gave the party but there was a Punch and Judy show. I knew nobody and was very shy. The other party was Billie’s birthday. Here,
we played games. Musical chairs
and Postman’s knock were fun. I was
less happy with “Simon Says… “ and
“Forfeits”.
These suited Monica and her older friends better than us
little ones. Billie’s mother could play
the piano and knew how to run a party.
I remember that there were lots of sisters by the name of Seed.
It was later explained to me that the parents had wanted a
boy. After seven girls, they gave up.
When Grandfather
Warhurst was staying with us he would take me for walks. Shortly before she died, Mother gave me a letter he had written about
one such walk. I must have been very
young but still have a glimmer of memory of this walk . It was a time when children were put in a
harness with long reigns. This allowed
them to scamper ahead and, in my
case, splash through every puddle that
presented itself. This walk was up the
lane and back down, taking a path
through the fields which skirted the estate of Middlewood Hall (later an
hotel). The route came back to the
main (Oughtibridge) road down some very steep and slippery steps just past
Middlewood Tavern. At this point, the steps descended a steeply wooded
hillside. Over the road, the land fell
steeply again, to a ravine with the
river Don in the bottom. Somewhere in
dim memory, I remember learning that a
man had fallen to his death in this dark dank spot. It always made me shivery and later, when I walked home from Oughtibridge school, I never lingered in this area.
Grandfather Warhurst
must have been well over eighty at this time.
He was a quiet, slim man.
Sometimes he would
walk me to Oughtibridge. Note: Ought
is pronounced to rhyme with hoot. Grandfather W. was destined to live to be
95. He was a staunch Methodist and had
brought my mother up as such. He said
little of any interest but was great walker and knew how to handle horses. When I was about four, he came on holiday with us to Filey. There is a picture of me on a horse on this
holiday. Grandfather borrowed the horse
for an hour or two, leading it up the hill from the beach when we went for
lunch at our landlady’s lodging. I
can also remember a big celebration,
probably grandfather’s 90th. This was reported in the local newspaper. We all went in hired cars
to a big dinner. The Lord Mayor
presented grandpa W. with a walking stick which had a little lamp at the end to
light the kerb when it was dark.
Running a little
ahead in time, the shunting of Grandpa
Warhurst around his family declined. He
seemed to spend more time with Uncle Henry ( the son who was gassed in the war)
and his wife, Auntie Jennie. For his last year or so, Grandpa was
confined to bed at his other son’s house,
Uncle Stanley’s. I sometimes
visited him towards the end. This was
in Marlcliffe Rd., just up Harris Rd.
at Middlewood. I remember seeing him in his bedroom and
hearing the roar from the crowd when Sheffield Wednesday scored. In these final years, Grandpa started going
walkabout and getting lost. His last
walk was on Wadsley Common where he was found cold, wet and lost by the
police. He developed pneumonia and died
shortly after.
Uncle Stanley had
no children and was the only member of the family with a car. I'm not sure if he still worked in the
Wharhurst business but he used the car to visit farmers selling cattle
feed. My father could never understand
why the car was never used for pleasure.
We saw more of
Mother's other brother Henry, his wife Jennie and my cousins Sheila and Donald
Warhurst. It was here that I first
tasted and loved cheese scones. To
the best of my knowledge,
Henry and Jennie both spent the whole of their married lives
at Dixon Rd. Hillsborough.
We saw most of
mothers sister Annie who married George Jobling, a Methodist minister from Tyneside. Methodist ministers were always moved to other
"circuits" about every five years.
Of this marriage, my cousin Henry was the nearest I came to
having an elder brother. He was by far
the most lively and extraverted of my cousins.
Visitors to our
house were always puzzled to know why,
in the back room, there were
dark velvet curtains on a wall that was clearly an inside wall. Peep behind and all that you found were
more curtains. Privileged visitors
found that the room could be converted into a private cinema. The velvet curtains would be drawn
back, inner curtains being illuminated
with coloured lights. Music would be
playing. When the “show” began, the
lights would dim as the curtains opened,
revealing a small cinema screen.
We would watch home movies and a few films either purchased or hired
from Sheffield Photo. Co. In
this, father was one of a very small
group of pioneers who had used some of the earliest photographic
equipment. As a boy he had progressed
from making magic lantern slides to processing his own movie film which he
exposed using a hand-cranked camera.
Father’s setting up of the home-cinema introduced me
to Meccano. Father and my cousin Henry
devised a little meccano gearbox driven by a small electric motor. The gearbox turned a pulley which operated
the inner curtains of the proscenium.
Lots of wires were laid under the floor and lead to a battery of sockets
at the other end of the room. Here, a
cabinet provided all the switches to operate the curtains, a big sliding rheostat to dim the coloured
lights in the proscenium and two gramophone turntables so that continuous music
could be provided.
In order to obtain
a bigger picture and to provide more space,
the room was lengthened by building a bay-window out into the back
garden. To a four year old, all this was truly fascinating. I dug in the sand and mixed cement. I was allergic to the fine cement dust and
had to have my hands wrapped in bandages for about a fortnight.
I had two
favourite films. One was Mickey mouse
giving his dog Pluto a bath. Pluto
swallowed the soap and got the hiccups.
Every hiccup produced a huge bubble.
One was so big that Mickey’s head went inside it, causing him to float away, right out of his
house to all sorts of adventures. The
other film was about a Mr Chips who was
a little stick and plasticine man. Besides
the usual home movies, we had a few
films that father had made with his friends before he was married. I remember another one contained a sketch
called “The Clicking of Cuthbert”. A
young beau called Cuthbert, out for a
walk by the river with his dog, clicks
with a pretty young girl. Leaning on
his stick, Cuthbert doffs his hat. He
drops the dog’s lead which falls down his stick at just the moment when his dog
sees a cat. The dog breaks loose to
chase the cat, pulling Cuthbert’s stick
from under him. Cuthbert, arms flailing, falls into the river.
We then see Cuthbert with his dog’s lead in his teeth, being towed ashore.
The Cuthbert
sketch was one of several that Father and his friends filmed. It was the roaring twenties and they were in
their early twenties. A group used to
gather at my Father’s home where “Brentroyd Cinema “ produced and presented amateur films. It is not well known that Sheffield might well have become a
film making area and that a great many of the earliest films were made in
Yorkshire from about 1898. Between
1914 and 1916, Bamforth and Co and the Holmfirth Production Company made one
hundred and twenty three short comic films.
From 1903 to 1909, Sheffield
Photo Company made sixty-three fictional films. I obtained this information from a booklet published in 1976 by
Sheffield Polytechnic.
My father’s
silent films were the only moving pictures that I saw before the age of about
six or seven when I was taken to see Disney’s
“ Dumbo ”, the elephant with
ears so big that it could fly.
Television was in its infancy.
Only London had a few hours of fuzzy pictures each day. We had one radio or “wireless” as it was then called. We also had father’s “gramophone” used for
his movies, this was very advanced, having
electric turntables at a time when most had wind-up clockwork motors. The tape recorder was yet to be
invented.
I wasn’t aware at
the time, but industry was still
escaping from the recession created by the wall street crash and slump of
1929. Looking back, grandfather Unwin had backed three good
financial horses. Pawnbrokers do well
in a slump, particularly when there is
no National health service and no Social service. By second marriage, he had acquired a substantial holding in
Tomlinsons which was in the developing motor and taxi trades. Tomlinsons had a garage at the bottom of
Ecclesall Rd. which sold cars and a Funeral Directors business in Bedford St. These premises were known at “The Mews”
because when the business began, horses
were stabled there. These had been used
to pull coaches and Sheffield’s horse-drawn trams. Grandfather was Managing Director. He put his personal savings into property, a very sound investment with property values
about to soar in later years.
We were fortunate
in being able to afford a doctor’s visit when needed. There was no free healthcare.
The doctors surgery was for the working class. In my case, the need for
a doctor was measured by a thermometer.
If I did not have a temperature it was either growing pains or
constipation for which the cure was
syrup of figs or castor oil.
Both effected dual cures, they cleared the system and persuaded the
child to avoid the medicine by being more regular in habit.
If you had a
temperature, spots or a rash, you went to bed and the doctor was sent
for. Once in bed, the curtains were
drawn and you would know that you would not be free again for at least three
days. The doctor usually came very
promptly and on arrival would request a spoon. This was stuck down your throat with the instruction “Say
Aaaah”. After a few minutes of
poking, probing and listening, the doctor would confer with my mother in
hushed tones. Medicine was almost
always a foul tasting liquid coming in a medicine bottle. Our doctor mixed his own medicines, sometimes he delivered them himself. After two days, the doctor would call again and announce that a tonic was now
required. Tonics always tasted much
better, so this was good news. The bad news was that you still had to have
another day in bed and might be allowed up for about three hours on the fourth
day.
I had most of the
usual childhood illnesses and suffered
tonsillitis so often that I narrowly escaped tonsillectomy. Most adults thought that you caught a cold
by getting cold or wet… especially wet feet.
My grandparents advocated rubbing the chest with vick (a stinking foul brown ointment) in the case
of coughs and colds.
As a baby I
suffered from itchy sensitive skin which was diagnosed as “dry eczema”. It is now fairly well established that this
is a genetic defect exacerbated by sensitisation but am not aware of any ancestor or near relative who suffered
with any allergy. Father often told me
what a “terrible time” they had when I was a baby and that this had put them
off having more children. As a
guess, I imagine that I became too hot
during the summer in a woollen vest which triggered an allergic reaction. The doctor advised lanolin to moisten the
skin. Lanolin is collected from
wool. It is now known that it can
trigger an allergy. I grew out my baby
itches but have always had to take care in cold dry conditions which caused
cracks on the backs of my hands and fingers.
I once developed
several boils on my neck. The
traditional treatment was a bread poultice to “draw” the “matter” (pus) out and
bring the boil to a “head”. Bread was
mixed with boiling water and various other old-wives ingredients. Whilst warm, the poultice was applied to a lint cloth and bandaged over the
boil. Experienced parents know when a
boil is ready to burst and how a needle can ease the pain. My parents lacked experience and squeezed
my boils before they were ready.
Remembering painful
experiences, the most regular was being
scrubbed by my mother at bedtime. She
would examine my ears and declare “There’s so much dirt, you could grow potatoes in there”. Hands,
knees and elbows had to be scrubbed.
Other bits were vigorously flannelled.
Mother was not short on what she referred to as “elbow grease”. In my mother’s book, dirt of all kinds was removed by lots of
elbow grease. She would say “If a job’s worth doing, its worth doing well”
My mother
certainly did things well. Nothing was
ever swept under the carpet. In
fact, most carpets were turned back and
the linoleum surround scrubbed, dried
and polished every week. I don’t
remember anyone with a fitted carpet,
they all had carpet squares. As
a girl, mother would have taken these
outside, hung them and beaten
them. Some households saved their tea
leaves, spreading them on the carpet while
still wet. The leaves were then swept
over the carpet to clean it by collecting dust. Most of the better-off households now had a fiendishly noisy
vacuum cleaner. Ours terrified the dog, causing it to seek safety
in the farthest corner of the house.
We also had a “Ewbank”, a clever
little box that was pushed around. Its
wheels operated two rotary brushes, sweeping crumbs into two trays inside the
machine. Cleaning, dusting and
polishing never stopped. We never ate a
meal without washing, drying and putting away every single pot and pan. From the age of about five, I was required to dry the pots as father
washed them. Mother would put things
away. Till the day she died, my mother never went to bed without tidying
everything away… not unreasonably so but certainly to the extent that the house
was always tidy and ordered with a breakfast table set ready for the
morning..
Once a year, mother and Mrs. Holmes would “Spring Clean”. This involved moving everything that was movable and cleaning
everything under or behind it.
Floorboards were bared and scrubbed,
the tops of doors and hidden ledges cleaned. Another annual event was the arrival of the chimney sweep.
Coal fires produced huge volumes of soot. This would fall out of the chimney or catch
fire inside the chimney if not removed regularly. Dust sheets would be draped over everything in the vicinity of
the fireplace. The sweep would cover
the fireplace with a cloth, pushing his
rods with a brush on the end up the chimney.
I would run outside to report when the brush came out of the
chimney. The sweep would leave a big
pile of soot by the greenhouse. It was
nasty stuff and had to weather before it could be spread on the garden.
A window cleaner
called regularly, pushing a cart loaded
with ladders. Mother would fill two
buckets with hot water. Inside as well
as outside would be cleaned with nothing but a window-leather because few of
the modern cleaning preparations were available. This was not the age of DIY.
The closest we came to DIY was Mrs. Holmes whitewashing the cellar. All other work was done by tradesmen who
boiled their linseed oil and made their own putty. There was no bottled gas,
the plumber had a proper blowlamp which was started with a rag soaked in
paraffin. Pipes seemed to burst quite
often in wintertime. I was always
fascinated by the way that the plumber would start his blowlamp, pumping it up so that it roared. All the piping was of lead. Bursts and joints were sealed by applying a
huge amount of solder. This had to be
at exactly the right temperature so that it was buttery rather than
molten. In this condition, the plumber would “wipe” with a wet cloth
until he had created a smooth bulbous cigar-shaped collar of shining solder
around the pipe.
Like all
children, I soon came to see Christmas
as an exciting time. On Christmas
eve, a steady stream of carol singers
would call. They ranged from young
children who received a penny to groups of adults who would be given a shilling
(5p.). In my early years I had no idea
that presents came by any other route than Father Christmas descending the
chimney. The fireplace in my bedroom
was clearly too small, I therefore
decided that he must come through one of the downstairs rooms and creep
upstairs. I would be put to bed with
Pengy and Teddy. A pillowcase was at
the foot of the bed ready for Father Christmas to fill. On top of the huge wardrobe was a pot
lamb. This was fluorescent, an idea of my parents to quell my fear of
the dark. After failing to go to
sleep, I would pretend to be asleep so
that I would not miss my turn. This
always did the trick. I would be awake
at first light (far too early to
disturb sleepy parents), unwrapping and
investigating presents as silently as possible.
The presents were mostly something to eat such as an orange,
chocolate or tin of biscuits. There might be games such as “Snakes and
ladders” or a pop-up picture book.
Sticky tapes had not been invented.
If there was any Christmas wrapping paper, I never saw any. Parcels
were brown paper tied up with string.
It could take ages, untying the
knots or wriggling the string off a parcel.
On two later
occasions I received wooden ships.
These had been made by Uncle Holmes.
Theodore Holmes was the manager of the Yorkshire bank in
Hillsborough. At one time, the family
shop was next to the bank on Hillsborough corner. My Grandfather Unwin had lived over the shop. The families had become friends, possibly because my father(then a teenager)
and Uncle Holmes shared an interest in gramophones and early radio. Whatever, one of Uncle Holmes hobbies was
woodwork. He made me two magnificent
models of passenger liners, one about
two feet long, the other slightly longer.
They were immaculately fitted out and painted.
Returning to a
Christmas day about 1938, Mother would
be busy preparing food, Father would
spend a little time with me but would be much in demand to help with this and
that. There would be a few more carollers. Apart from Church which we did not attend, nobody went anywhere. The roads were so quiet that when the
village brass band walked from Oughtibridge,
they would stand in the road,
playing carols for about ten minutes while donation were collected from
all who lived nearby. During the day, meals would be simple,
perhaps bread and dripping.
Beef dripping was poured from the oven-tray into a glazed white pudding
basin. Although I hated fat, especially lamb fat, I enjoyed beef dripping, liberally sprinkled with salt. The pure dripping separated from the watery
juices which were at the bottom of the basin.
It spread like butter on a slice of bread. I also enjoyed crisps.
These came in a greaseproof paper bag.
Inside, a little twist of blue paper contained salt. As far as I know, there was only one manufacturer,
Smith’s. There was no variety
of flavour, crisps were just
crisps. Often, probably after eating crisps and asking for
Tizer, I would be told, “If you’re really thirsty, there’s plenty of water in the tap”.
As five o’clock
and Christmas dinner approached, it would be growing dark. A lamp-lighter would
put his ladder to the arms of each gas lamp on our stretch of road to open the
glass and light the lamp. In later years, a little pilot light was left lit. The man just used a pole, turning a little lever to light the lamp. Christmas dinner was really special,
there were many extras, particularly
plum pudding, Christmas cake and trifle.
These could cause problems there was sherry in the trifle and rum served
with the pudding. If Mother’s sister
Auntie Annie and Uncle George came,
Uncle George, being a Methodist
minister, would not drink or condone
the consumption of alcohol. He would
not eat trifle with the smallest drop of sherry in it. Mother, trapped between the Unwins (whose religion had lapsed rather badly) and
the Joblings (who had been called to serve),
found herself in a difficult situation. On our side, forthright opinions came from J.R. Unwin (senior)
who was just about evenly matched by the force of Auntie Annie with moral
support from Uncle George.
I don’t
remember having turkey at Christmas until after the war. We had roast chicken. All chickens were fresh, there were no frozen foods of any kind. Father gibed at giblets, these would be thrown away or given to the
dog. The stuffing had to be home made, there was no other kind. There would be sausages from a carefully
chosen butcher and roast potatoes so crisp that they were hard to cut. Bread sauce and apple sauce would be
cold, complementing the hot meats. I would make dams in the mashed potato to
contain the smooth gravy thickened with gravy browning. I tolerated the carrots and cabbage, preferring the sprouts.
We never had
wine. Ordinary folk simply did not buy
or drink much wine. Nobody drank beer
at home. Coffee was very rare and very
special. After the chicken came the
plum pudding. The extravagance of
setting light to rum on the pudding was never allowed but most grown ups would
add a spoonful to their portion. I was
never allowed anything but custard before I was about eleven.
After the plum
pudding, there would be trifle or
fruit. The trifle would be made of
special trifle sponges mixed with jam and soaked in sherry to an extent
determined by the temperance of the guests.
There was often much discussion as to how much sherry might be
acceptable. The fruit was the only
part of the meal that came from a can.
Finally, Mother would put the
Christmas cake on the table. This was
a rich, iced fruit cake. She used the
same decorations for years. These were
a hunt, hounds and fox made in painted china. How we all ate so much I don’t know. Perhaps it was walking so much and living in a cold climate
without central heating.
I was always in
trouble for putting two much into my mouth.
Father would say, “ He’s got a
mouth like a parish oven”. If I
complained about the size of my portion I would be told, “ Your eye is bigger than your
stomach”.
Like many an
under-five, I knew no reason not to do
things unless there would be a bother or certain retribution. I did not think far ahead. This got me into trouble with great
regularity.
We had
visitors. I think grandpa Warhurst was
in the little front bedroom. I had to
sleep downstairs on a settee in the front living room. I woke up in the night in urgent need of
what was then politely referred to as a number one. At the best of times I never liked the toilet, I suspected that a ghost lived there. The house was dark and silent, I was trained not to disturb adults. It so happened that there was a kettle in
the room. A new chrome plated electric
one that mother used to provide hot water for topping up the teapot when she
had visitors. The plan was fairly
simple, pee in the kettle and wash it
out in the morning. The first part of
the plan worked fine.
Unfortunately, the grown-ups got
up earlier than I expected. I really meant to do something with that kettle
but somehow I didn’t. I forgot. You know,
other things sort of take over and you just forget. I do remember that mother discovered that
all was not well with her kettle before she boiled it and topped up the tea, it smelt strange and had a fuzzy mould
growing inside.
On two occasions
I caused great embarrassment. I was
very stubborn, tending to resist help.
Mother was taking me on a bus which had stopped. I was minded to climb onto the bus by
myself,
could not quite get my leg high enough and ran off when
mother tried to help. The problem was
resolved with force and a tantrum which could not be resolved in public
according to normal methods of correction.
On another occasion my parents had visitors. I was bored, roaming the
house nosing quietly into drawers in my parent's bedroom. I found a condom otherwise known as a french
letter or durex after the name of the manufacturer. Although later, when I
could read I learned the purpose of the object from studying hidden books by
Marie Stopes it has to be appreciated that I was innocent as to the purpose of
the object and the taboo against mentioning any of its names other than in
hushed tones between members of ones own sex.
I therefore mistook the purpose of the object, walked into the presence of our visitors holding the object in the air and said
"daddy, can I have this balloon ?".
My favourite
toys were a hornby railway set and a meccano set. I played for hours with both.
My father and particularly cousin Henry helped me with the
meccano. We made a windmill with
sails that turned, a
crane that worked and a model ship which exploded when hit by a shell. Later,
extra meccano sets were bought and Tomlinsons coffin department made a large
box to hold my meccano. Henry was very
helpful and ingenious, inventing a
motor-driven knight that jabbed a spear as it propelled itself on wheels. Meccano gave me a hands-on feeling for how
levers and gears worked. I learned how a car's differential gear was
constructed and why it was needed by playing with meccano.
We always had a
dog. The dog that had been run-over
was replaced by Mack. Mack was a
solidly built male Sealyham terrier with a streak of aggression. The problem escalated when Mack bit the man
who delivered our groceries. Then he
bit my father. That was the end of
Mack. Father decided that a bitch
would be less aggressive. Sir Jocelyn
Lucas, the breeder, duly despatched a
thoroughbred puppy Sealyham from some faraway place. I remember us collecting her from the railway station. Mother called her Topsy. Topsy was destined to live through most of
my schooldays. These and the second
world war loomed on the horizon.